Bill Gibron is a veteran film critic from Tampa, Florida.Someone, please! Stop the found footage film before it kills entertainment and the horror film again... and this time, for good. From The Last Exorcism to Paranormal Activity, the recent rash of post-Blair Witch wannabes just don't get the basic cinematic needs of the increasingly sloppy subgenre. Perhaps primary among these is the concept of a reasonable threat. Having noises go bump in the night or a momentary glimpse of a ghostly figure doesn't generate suspense, just shock - and even then, the effect is succinct. It doesn't linger. You also need a logical reason for a camera to be constantly on. No one, not even the most dedicated reporter or frightened friend will keep the lens trained on a superbeast as it runs ramshackle over downtown Manhattan.
In the new, nauseatingly bad Apollo 18, we get a hopelessly inept POV presentation that's part irritating urban legend, part common conspiracy theory, and all awful. The notion that NASA has been pulling our chain over the entire space program is not new. There are still people who do not believe that man ever set foot on the moon. In this case, the supposedly canceled 18th mission to our interstellar neighbor was not put off at all. Instead, the material gathered was held back and classified "Top Secret"...which doesn't stop some fictional group of hackers (or whatever) from gathering the reels and hastily editing together an "explanation" as to what really happened back in 1974.
Apparently, it had nothing to do with spoiled space food sticks. A pair of astronauts - Ben Anderson (Warren Christie) and Nate Walker (Lloyd Owen) - are sent skyward to retrieve more samples from the moon's rocky surface. In the process, they come across as Russian spaceship, a Cosmonaut corpse, and the distinct feeling that they are not alone. Sure enough, something else is on the planet with them, something intent on keeping their presence unknown by whatever means necessary (usually by killing whoever they come across).
Since it basically does nothing right (not even the various stock elements seem realistic), here are all the things Apollo 18 does wrong. First, it fails to get us caught up in the claustrophobic conceit of the setting. Instead of sticking to the capsule and the craven evil outside, we are constantly wandering the vast lunar surface, the wide open outer spaces draining all the dread from the scenario. Second, we don't care about Ben and Nate. They are interchangeable cogs in a completely uninvolving tale. Third, the supposed threat is so laughable that, within days, bootlegged images will be appearing everywhere, if simply to continue the moviegoer mockery. Finally, by trying to trade on all the "is it true" skepticism of modern audiences, the film simply fuels a lot of foolish speculation, especially where none need be or could be.
Don't be mistaken - there is a decent idea here. The notion of being trapped in space with an almost indestructible 'thing' has been done before...and better (right, Ridley Scott???). But instead of working through the material logically, Spanish director Gonzalo Lopez-Gallego shows off his post-production timing and tweaking skills. In fact, the filmmaker spends so much time making his movie look like it was shot some 40 years ago that he forgets to give it any energy or excitement. We end up bored and befuddled, wondering why so much effort is being expelled for so little payoff.
The ad campaign for this movie argued that there was a reason we never returned to the moon after the 'last' Apollo mission. Apparently, 13 wasn't NASA's unluckiest number. 18 was/is - at least, for those unfortunate enough to buy a ticket to see this turkey.
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