John Carter [Blu-Ray]

Director Andrew Stanton?s vision of Mars, known to the beings living there as Barsoom, is a barren and beautiful place, as architectural in some stretches as it is empty in others. Despite the endless dry and uncomfortably red space, Stanton?s vision for his ambitious $250 million production is not wholly unpleasant. For those who have an eye for detail, the airy glass and shiny brass makeup of the world should be intensely satisfying. Unfortunately, the world-building and the storyline do not always complement well.

The Movie:

Barsoom is the place audiences most want to be in John Carter, but it takes a while to get there. Before hooking up with a crystal amulet that conveniently makes a copy of our hero on the Red Planet, Taylor Kitsch?s Carter must prove how much of a jackass anti-hero he can be, talking his way into barroom brawls in the 1800s and fighting to break free when dealing with cowboy lawmakers. It?s pretty slow going and audiences have to assume the story is going to become more interesting once Carter makes it into space.

It is both true and inaccurate to assume John Carter will ever pick up the pace. The flick is extremely action-oriented, and audiences be wowed by shots of bodies slinging and swords swinging, if that is their thing. The problem is with the momentum of the storytelling, which dithers around and about, always tangoing with making a point, but never quite getting there.

You know all of those scenes in the Lord of the Rings where Frodo and his brave companions are wandering across plains or over mountains, fording streams and mucking through bad weather? LOTR fans deal with these things because they realize there is an ultimate destination. Eventually, Frodo will get to Mordor and destroy the One Ring. In John Carter, our hero just wants to get the girl and maybe nab an extra amulet for safekeeping along the way. The stakes never seem particularly high, and what?s worse, there?s no clearly defined trail or set of tasks to accomplish.

When Carter meets Dejah (Lynn Collins), who has both a sprightly fighting stance and a dominant brain, he?s immediately smitten. Despite feigning reluctance to help her for several more scenes in the movie, it?s immediately apparent he has a soft spot for women, which is proven when Stanton chooses to toss in random cut-to shots from the 1800s showing Carter with his former wife, which are useful to understanding Carter?s character but make an already indecisive movie hop around further. Dejah needs Carter?s newly acquired fighting skills to save her city, Helium, from the impending threat of another city, Zodanga, led by Sab Than (Dominic West), who has actually been bought and paid for by mysterious beings known as the Shang. Additionally, Carter reluctantly chooses to help the tusked, green Tharks also occupying the planet with some of their ongoing leadership problems.

Stanton does a really great job of making all of these convoluted plots understandable, but because he chooses to keep the tangled bulk of the story, the audience often finds Carter moving one step forward in his journey and then backtracking to earlier locales to clean up mistakes and fix additional problems. It is a great opportunity to view the Martian landscape and see its beauty in a way we never get with science fiction flicks like Total Recall, but it is hard to invest in the characters and, more specifically, the path our hero has chosen.

There?s a lot to appreciate about John Carter and its blue-blooded aliens. The scope is massive, and the $250 million was well spent on a vision of a planet that is as exotic as it is desolate. All of the little details paint a picture that is perhaps not quite as agreeable as recent onscreen destinations such as Avatar?s Pandora, but which is almost more haunting in its expansiveness. Despite rock stars like novelist Michael Chabon (The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay) and Stanton (Wall-E, Toy Story) on board for the writing process, it is the story that falters. John Carter is a movie worth seeing, but like its reluctant and often spontaneous anti-hero, it is not a movie worth expecting too much out of, or keeping too close to your heart.

The Disc:

The disc is beautiful. There are plenty of ways to peruse the menu and film without having to deal with watching the same previews over and over. The picture quality is among the best I have encountered with my Blu-Ray player, and even the way the menu screen is lit is impressive.

Stanton shows up all over the extras and talks about how much of a fan he is of the source material. The first extra allows you to explore John Carter?s journal; however, there is a big hassle with downloading all of the pertinent stuff to ensure your Disney Second Screen app is working. You can set it up to work with your smart phone or your computer, so if that is your thing, downloading it won?t be too much of a big deal.

One of the most important features on the disc is ?100 Years in the Making,? a lengthy and extensive featurette that looks into the history of the John Carter stories written by Edgar Rice Burroughs. It?s always better when there is a historical perspective on an event or story to delve into, and this extra does not disappoint.

The deleted scenes are actually pretty interesting with the commentary on, especially since there are plenty of areas where you could see Stanton wanted to flesh out his characters and their relationships further. The deleted scenes also go a long way to explain Stanton?s feelings for the project and how devoted he was to seeing the picture come to life. Indeed, nearly every aspect of the creation of this movie was intense. The segment discusses two years of pre-production in "360 Degrees of John Carter," before taking audiences backstage to a specific day of shooting on set. Assistants, actors, and Stanton himself all appear onscreen to go through the rigmarole of makeup, setup, and the lengthy waiting games between scenes. I?ve never seen such an extensive behind-the-scenes look at a day on set, and the one offered is fascinating.

The bloopers are pretty great. Taylor Kitsch comes off as lively and fun in this set of outtakes, and it?s a shame this didn?t come across more onscreen. Audio commentary with Stanton along with producers Jim Morris and Lindsey Collins rounds out the extras on the disc. Overall, Disney almost never disappoints with disc sets, but the John Carter set is one of the most fun and most professionally put-together I have seen. If you enjoyed John Carter, the Blu-Ray combo pack is a must-have purchase.

Distributor: Walt Disney VideosStarring: Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Willem Dafoe, Dominic WestProduced by: Lindsey Collins, Jim Morris, Colin WilsonWritten by: Andrew Stanton, Michael Chabon, Mark Andrews

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Lola Versus

It's pretty rotten timing for Lola Versus to arrive in theaters just months after the ballyhooed premiere of the HBO series Girls. Both the film and the series focus on young women living in modern-day Brooklyn, wearing excellent clothing and making lots of romantic mistakes on their way to growing up; both of them run a real risk of becoming self-absorbed and unbearable, but it's only Lola Versus that falls into that trap. Even with the lovely and captivating Greta Gerwig in the title role, Lola Versus feels like a shallow stop-over in every coming-of-age film cliche, and unlike Girls, it doesn't have the benefit of a TV season to find its footing or convince you to care.

The movie starts strong by beginning where most rom-coms end, with Lola waking up on her birthday to a proposal from Luke (Joel Kinnaman), over the course of the opening credits she leaps happily into wedding planning until, just as director Daryl Wein's name flashes on the screen, he breaks thing off. Lola's breakup spiral feels immediately authentic, as she shamefacedly moves back into her believably crappy old apartment, flirts dangerously with her platonic guy pal (Hamish Linklater), and wanly accepts girl-power advice from a sharp-tongued friend (co-writer Zoe Lister-Jones). But real people also wallow in breakups for what feels like forever, and Lola does exactly that, making mistake after mistake, moaning and pitying herself, and driving the audience as crazy as she would in real life.

Gewig pulls this off for a surprisingly long time, and it's dreadful to imagine what the film would be like without her. But aside from some moments of sharp humor, including one gloriously terrible sex scene with a guy who chooses Ani DiFranco as his doin' it music, Lola Versus feels more like a slog through the breakup doldrums than the frothy, intimate growing-up story it hints at throughout. It's not easy to tell an original story about young people making their way through New York, and though Lola Versus seems aware of the cliched tree it's climbing, it hits nearly every branch on its way down, from the thinly sketched parental roles played by veteran actors we'd like to see more of (Bill Pullman and Debra Winger) to the drunken night of regret to Lola's final realization that it's OK to be on her own, after a movie spent watching her do nothing but cling to others for her self-worth. It's not just an unearned transformation, but a patently false one-- it's possible Wein and Lister-Jones are trying to point out that what you think you know at 30 turns out not to be true at all, but if that extra layer of commentary is there, it's buried too deep to be effective.

In the spirit of saying something nice about a small indie movie that's ultimately not harming anybody, let's stop again to praise Gerwig, who somehow manages to be both stunningly beautiful and an accessible, and occasionally very odd, onscreen presence. She flings herself gamely into Lola's downward spiral, in an unglamorous and un-self-conscious way that at least makes for one positive connection to Lena Dunham's work on Girls. Lola was never going to be a fully realized or truly relatable character-- the writing, so wrapped up in Lola's own self-pity, can't get there-- but Gerwig almost accomplishes it, another example of how she's stealthily becoming one of the most valuable actresses under 30. Lola Versus should have been a proper showcase for Gerwig's skills, but watching her single-handedly make it watchable is almost more impressive.

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Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie

If you aren?t as huge a fan of Tim and Eric as I am, then you might actually like this film. But who besides a hardcore T&E lover would even want to watch this film anyway? Does anybody else even know who Tim and Eric are? I feel like I?m the only one.

The Movie:

Before any Tim and Eric fanboys or girls out there rip me apart in the comments section telling me that I don?t know anything about Tim and Eric, all I gotta say is, chill. I totally do. I own every single episode of both Tom Goes to the Mayor and Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job! I?ve seen pretty much all of their webisodes. I watch the Chrimbus special on an annual basis, and I even have a poster of Spaghett hanging on my wall. So yeah, I?m a colossal fan.

So you know that it pains me to tell you that Tim and Eric?s Billion Dollar Movie is a steaming pile of shit. Not even an appearance by the ?great? comic talent of James Quall could save this train wreck of a film. By the time he ultimately makes an appearance, the damage has already been done. This movie just isn?t funny. It?s the biggest disappointment I?ve ever had watching a movie. And that?s no exaggeration. I anticipated this film more than The Avengers. I expected it to be a masterpiece. Instead, all I got was shrim.

The main problem is that it doesn?t cater to the fans, who are its main audience. Characters like Dr. Steve Brule from Tim and Eric?s Awesome Show Great Job! played by John C. Reilly aren?t in the film. Instead, we get John C. Reilly playing a character named Taquito, who?s extremely sick but terribly unfunny. He feels like a wasted opportunity. Instead of Zach Galifianakis? character from the show, Tairy Greene, we get Jim Joe Kelly. Tairy Greene is one of the best characters from Awesome Show. How could they possibly leave him out? That?s criminal! And while you might be saying, ?Well, this is a movie and they were trying to do something different, moron,? I understand that. But if they really wanted to do something different, then why not use different actors entirely? All I kept wishing for was for Zach Galifiankis to do a costume change into ?Little Dancing Man.? I just wanted something familiar, dammit! Is that too much to ask?

Another huge reason why this movie sucks is the plot, which just doesn?t work. I know they couldn?t just make an hour-and-a-half version of their nonsensical show (which I actually kind of wanted), but there are too many gaps in the laughs here to call it anything but unbearable. I probably only guffawed twice in the whole picture, and those were pity laughs. After receiving a billion dollars from an evil corporation called Schlaaang (aaang as in slang, not shlong), Tim and Eric blow all the money on production costs and wind up making only a ten-minute film, so the exec wants them dead. For the rest of the film, Tim and Eric are on the run and somehow wind up renovating a shitty mall. And that?s the entire movie. It sounds funny on paper, but it?s not. A plot for a comedy is only as good as its jokes, and the jokes in this film are paper thin. Even the weirdness, which is a Tim and Eric staple, feels forced. ?Shrim? just isn?t funny. I?m sorry, but it?s not.

So yeah, if you?re a hardcore fan, you might just hate this movie like I did. But if you?re new to Tim and Eric, this off-kilter comedy might just do you right. And if it does, I envy you. I so wanted to love this film.

The Disc:

As funny as Tim and Eric are on their shows, their commentary on the first season proved they?re not as funny off-the-cuff as you would think they are. And that?s for only about eight minutes an episode. Just think how bad it is to sit through their boring-ass commentary for 94 minutes. It?s torture! That?s one special feature to skip. Next up are the ?deleted scenes,? which were deleted for a reason, but they?re no worse than what?s already in the film. It?s just more garbage tacked on. The ?extended scenes? also go on and on, and don?t add anything else. They?re worthless.

?Good Evening S?Wallow Valley? features the stars of the film saying nothing of interest. ?Interview With Tim & Eric? is too long for its own good, even with Eric Wareheim?s open-mouthed, dead-eyed stare that I love so much. ?HDNET: A Look at Tim & Eric?s Billion Dollar Movie? features scenes from the ?Interview With Tim & Eric? feature. I mean, what the hell? Why?d they do that? Why?d they practically make the same feature twice? ?The Shrim Dance Screensaver? is the damn song on repeat, and then there are some posters and photos, which are hardly a feature at all. Just about the only funny thing about the whole disc are the promo videos, which actually feel like the show. Why couldn?t that have been the movie? God, I?m so aggravated! Even if you?re a fan, this disc is trash.

Tim and Eric?s Billion Dollar Movie DetailsStarring: Tim Heidecker, Eric Wareheim, Zach Galifianakis, Will FarrellDirected by: Tim Heidecker and Eric WareheimProduced by: Will Farrell, Adam McKay, Dave Kneebone, Tim Heidecker, Eric WareheimWritten by: Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

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Piranha 3DD

Piranha 3DD is nothing more than a flimsy excuse to watch dudes get decapitated and women whip out their gigantic breasts. It?s morally bankrupt and consistently depraved. It features the flimsiest of plots and skimpiest of tops, mashed together in an hour and twenty minutes of reckless, R-rated momentum. Little kids get massacred. A severed head motorboats boobs well after bleeding out, and Christopher Lloyd excitedly rambles about flesh-eating fish. None of it is good by any reasonable definition, but goddamnit, it?s still a lot of fun.

Imagine what would happen if your average run-of-the-mill "animals attack" late night horror flick was reshot on the advice of an awkward horny dude living in his mom?s basement. ?No---this scene isn?t working, can we get Gary Busey involved? Is there a way we could install a camera on the ladder so we can see vaginas when women are climbing out of the pool? More blood!? It?s all incredibly sophomoric and stomach-churning, but then again, Piranha 3DD never promises to be anything more.

You can tell by its laughable story arc. The piranhas from the first movie have escaped the waters of Lake Victoria, and they?re looking for fresh blood. Sleazy businessman Chet (David Koechner) decides to turn his deceased wife?s water park into an adult entertainment exhibition featuring strippers as lifeguards and a special pool for nude swimming. His step-daughter Maddy (Danielle Panabaker) is none too pleased about his new direction, but as minority owner, she?s forced to watch Chet do as he pleases. Opening day arrives, David Hasselhoff is hired for promo and the piranhas, of course, storm the celebration.

There are also minor subplots involving Shelby (Katrina Bowden) who is desperate to lose her virginity, Barry (Matt Bush) who wants Maddy to fall in love with him and Andrew (Paul Scheer) and Deputy Fallon (Ving Rhames) who are trying to get over the last time piranhas attacked; but the film just sort of picks up those narratives and drops them whenever it?s convenient. From a storytelling standpoint, this doesn?t really work, but from a maximizing blood and boobs per minute ratio, it?s definitely the smart call.

Piranha 3D attempted to be a B-movie but wound up having a slightly broader appeal because it was pretty funny and the right level of gory. Piranha 3DD is a bit harder on the nudity and a bit softer on the comedy. As a result, it?s more of an actual B-movie. It has more intentional eye-rolling moments and more gratuitous camera angles. It probably won?t be as popular, but that doesn?t mean it still won?t be enjoyed by the right crowd.

Piranha 3DD is the type of movie you should watch with a few beers, a few good friends and turned off filters. There should be high-fiving, muttered encouragement for the piranhas to eat children and continual shouts of ?Boobs!?. If that sounds like a pathetic and miserable night, don?t even consider paying to see this movie, but if that sounds like some stupid shit you could get up to at 1 AM, browse your OnDemand menu.

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We Need to Talk About Kevin

In as much as Requiem for a Dream can work as a theatrical D.A.R.E. program, We Need to Talk About Kevin is a suitable proponent of birth control. Before I became a father, one of my naivet?'s bigger worries was having one of those children that acts completely inconsolable in a restaurant or a theater. We will always have the ever-present threat of violence to contend with, but it?s customarily viewed through the fear of victimization; no one should ever have to worry about their child becoming the monster. But I guess it?s our Second Amendment right to have that fear. Go America! (Guns and bows aren?t the same. I realize this.)

The Movie:

The importance of any event in our lives can usually be gauged by the length of its aftermath. The things we do tend to be less important than the people we do them with. Past memories, however stylized, are sometimes the only things that make the present tolerable. Kids can be really fucking mental.

Ironically, the moments in the grief-filled We Need to Talk About Kevin that are most depressing are when characters are smiling and having a good time. Because we?re all too aware those times are long gone. In her disturbingly authentic portrayal of Eva Khatchadourian, Tilda Swinton is a virtuoso of melancholic chagrin. A former travel writer, her current life is plagued by scrutinized mockery on the lighter side, and by vocal hatred and vandalism on the darker side. When not working her entry-level secretarial position, she retreats to bottles of pills and alcohol for therapy. The scourge of her woes is her intentionally horrific son, Kevin, who would have been the inspiration for The Omen?s Damien, the Rosemary?s Baby baby, or even Satan himself had it been a true story told near the beginning of time. One early scene depicts Eva coping with the never-ending screams of infant Kevin by standing amongst a group of men jackhammering the pavement; her momentary relief drowning herself in this noise is both amusingly understandable and heartbreaking all at once.

We watch Kevin age from toddler to teenager, played by actors Rock Duer, Jasper Newell, and Ezra Miller. Though the emotional nonchalance shown to his blindly optimistic father, Franklin (John C. Reilly), isn?t always quite loving, the sheer disdain he spews at Eva is downright menacing. I expect to never fully enjoy any future roles taken by Newell and Miller based on my genuine hatred for Kevin as a character, which is a backwards compliment that speaks worlds of the writing and performance.

The line in the sand is drawn between Kevin?s pre-existing lack of empathy, and its continual growth as Eva?s matronly role, is strained to multiple breaking points. Is he naturally a lifelong evil asshole, or is this behavior furthered by outside influences? The film?s timeline slips back and forth between different stages of Eva?s past, all from her possibly skewed perspective. So while Kevin is obviously an insanely shitty son, we?re never under the impression that Eva herself in an angel. She is a human being, repeatedly thwarted by Kevin?s insistence on ratcheting up her frustration in any given situation, from purposefully prolonging his potty training to wrapping his younger sister, Celia, up in garland during a game of Christmas Kidnapping. Eva?s range of reactions isn?t entirely ethical, but they?re emotionally sound. Having watched the film twice now, I absolutely wish Eva was vehemently pro-choice early in life so that this ?nature vs. nurture? question wasn?t applicable. But then what would I be doing right now?

Adapted from the ?unfilmable? novel by Lionel Shriver, the acclaimed director/co-screenwriter Lynne Ramsay does a remarkable job of showcasing every uncomfortable detail in a movie filled with them, using colors and sounds as much as the dialogue to tell the story. The entire cast is impeccable, down to extras whose screen time consists of glaring in the distance. Despite the free-flowing plot progression, one is never lost, always the voyeur in Eva?s life of agony and shame. By the time we get to the crux of the film, Kevin?s mostly off-screen school massacre, we feel less sorry for these young victims than we do for those Kevin has been affecting his entire life. And the sound of lawn sprinklers may never sound inconsequential again.

The Disc:

Even the cardboard packaging for this film is effective, from Eva and Kevin?s split headshots as you open it, to Kevin?s colorful and cold childhood drawings on the inside. There?s an intriguing essay by psychoanalyst Mark Stafford, ?The Heart of Evil,? included as well, which focuses more on Kevin?s motivations and the film?s minimal take on violence. Though the DVD itself looks great, the crispness of the Blu-ray is enough to make you feel like you?re watching this family?s degradation from the next room of their house. All things told, I had problems with the pop music soundtrack from decades past, as the songs seemed disjointed to me.

?Behind the Scenes of Kevin? is exactly what it implies: a half-hour of the cast, director, and producers dissecting the characters and plot over production stills and incidental filming. Everyone?s input is extremely insightful, particularly when discussing how the family?s relationship is depicted from both the acting and production aspects. While watching people talk isn?t always exciting, it adds another layer of understanding one may not have had before.

Hilton Als gives a 17-minute interview for a "Tribute to Tilda Swinton" at the 2011 Telluride Film Festival. It?s a treat to watch this talented actress speak about her career from different angles, though Kevin is not the focus here. On the flip side, the three-minute interview with novel author Lionel Shriver is entirely kept to the book-to-movie translation and her pleasure in the minimal input she gave filmmakers on how the story should be told. Lastly, there are four minutes of silent extra footage from the ?La Tomatina? Tomato festival depicted in the movie as Eva?s freedom-filled youth before Kevin came along. I am inclined to go there now, even though I dislike tomatoes.

Easily one of the more psychologically wrought releases of the past year, We Need to Talk About Kevin deserves to be seen and discussed. Not everyone will share my takeaway from the story, but I consider that part of the film?s storytelling power.

We Need to Talk About Kevin DetailsDistributor: Oscilloscope PicturesStarring: Tilda Swinton, John C. Reilly, Ezra MillerProduced by: Christopher Figg, Paula Jalfon, Lisa Lambert, Christine Langan, Norman Merry, Andrew Orr, Lynne Ramsay, Michael Robinson, Steven Soderbergh, Tilda Swinton, Robert WhitehouseWritten by: Lynne Ramsay & Rory Kinnear

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Brave

Since releasing the first Toy Story in 1995, Pixar has done everything to earn both the highest of reputations as well as the greatest of expectations. In the last 17 years we?ve seen them craft brilliant tales about cooking rats, robots lost in space, frantic fish looking for a child and superheroes in trouble, but those triumphs have led us to anticipate more out of the studio than any other, which is a sword that cuts both ways. Brave, the new film from Pixar directed by Mark Andrews and Brenda Chapman, does lack some of the spark present in the studio?s greater projects, but the movie is still fun, engaging, and emotional while featuring some stunning animation and a terrific lead character.

Set in medieval Scotland, the story follows Princess Merida (Kelly MacDonald), an incorrigible young woman who wishes to do nothing more than ride her horse through the forest and practice her bow-and-arrow, but who is forced by her mother, Queen Elinor (Emma Thompson) to marry one of three suitors from neighboring kingdoms. Sick of her mother?s conservative rules, Merida sets out into the wilderness so that she can find a way to change her fate. She meets an old witch (Julie Walters) who agrees to do what she asks, but after a major transformation Merida gets more than she bargained for and must work to prevent her kingdom from going to war.

Visually, Brave is the greatest thing that Pixar has accomplished. Andrews, Chapman and their team on this project clearly threw out the book in an attempt to create something vibrant and new and though the movie never abandons that intangible quality that reminds us we are watching animation, Brave is the studio?s most photorealistic movie yet, capturing the Scottish forests and castles. The crisp feel puts you right behind the saddle with Merida as she rides through the woods slinging arrows into targets hanging in the trees.

But the true moment when you discover the film?s beauty is when the fully-grown Merida is revealed and we see her incredible, curly red hair. In every shot the follicles seem to have a life of their own and are orchestrated beautifully, but more importantly tell us everything we need to know about the princess in an instant. She is more than just petulant and rebellious or a square peg in a round hole, but rather a ball of energy that can?t and won?t be contained (illustrated beautifully when the Queen tucks all of Merida?s hair into a wimple and Merida secretly drags out a strand to hang on her forehead). Kelly MacDonald does a great job bringing the character to life by providing the heroine with a voice that?s both brash and sweet and with an accent that resonates but is never hard to understand. As Pixar?s first lead female character it was important that Merida make a deep impression on the audience. They succeeded.

At the heart of the movie is the eternal struggle between mother and daughter, but the material is treated in such a way that it becomes emotionally relatable (I was affected and have never been at any time either a daughter or a mother). Without giving away the twist at the core of the story, the aforementioned ?major transformation? forces Elinor and Merida together, and the two are not only able to bond but see things from each other?s perspective. The tension ramps up wonderfully at the start of the story, as Merida?s wildness conflicts with the Queen?s traditional values, and the end is just as passionate and tear-jerking as any other movie in the Pixar catalog. But what prevents the movie from reaching the highest levels of our standards is a certain spark that introduces the ordinary to the extraordinary. Where the titular character of Wall-E found himself in the stars among the last vestiges of man; Remy of Ratatouille landed in one of the world?s great French kitchens; and Carl of Up traveled far and wide with his balloon house, the adventures of Merida seem smaller and more contained. The middle hour feels more like a Disney movie than a Pixar movie - not just with the princess and magic, which have been hallmarks of Disney since Snow White - but with goofy humor and sensibilities that seem slightly tweaked from the Pixar standard. That?s no insult to Disney.

Brave is neither Pixar?s greatest movie, nor their worst, but like all the others is better than 95% of what we typically see in theaters. The film itself follows a character that wants her independence and the chance to prove her strengths as an individual. Perhaps that?s the best way to view Brave as well.

For our To 3D or not to 3D guide to Brave, go HERE

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Prometheus

Prometheus is director Ridley Scott's return to science fiction, and co-writer Damon Lindelof's return to the kind of big, heady themes he explored for six seasons of his landmark TV show Lost. It's a natural pairing, and one that imbues Prometheus with Scott's stunning visuals and Lindelof's ideas that are even more interesting to discuss after the credits roll-- the innate desire to surpass our parents, say, or the inability to find answers to life's most nagging and important questions. But it also makes for an ultimately disappointing film, as the tense scares and thinly-sketched characters reminiscent of Alien give way to a baffling finale, offering no resolution about either its Big Questions or the few characters we've come to care about. It's aiming to be both an epic space thriller and a spiritual treatise, and watching it almost accomplish both makes it all the more frustrating.

What's good about Prometheus, though, is good enough to be worth seeing. The 3D is among the best I've seen, first showing off with a crisp early sequence of DNA replicating itself, and ending with the kind of audience shock that 3D was made for. And Michael Fassbender's performance as the android David, full of crisp movements and deliberately blank facial expressions, is utterly engrossing; as other characters about the Prometheus ship gradually become inconsistent or cannon fodder, David remains the enigmatic life force of the film. Noomi Rapace, as the scientist Elizabeth Shaw, is also quite good-- along with her boyfriend and partner (Logan Marshall Green) she's discovered the series of ancient cave drawings that point the Prometheus to a far-off galaxy, where she fervently believes they will meet the Engineers responsible for human life, a.k.a. God.

We see in the film's opening scene that she is right-- an alien did visit earth to create life-- but Shaw is faced with skeptics anyway, from the anonymous roughnecks helping pilot the Prometheus to Meredith Vickers (Charlize Theron), a no-nonsense corporate type who hates everyone on board for whatever reason. Once the Prometheus arrives on the distant planet the action remains admirably concise, as the explorers visit the underground caves that hold clues to alien life and return to the ship; there's a marvelous building dread as we anticipate the chaos we know is coming. Once disaster arrives, though, the narrative starts falling apart-- characters make choices that make no sense, characters express knowledge they have no way of knowing, and one key character emerges in the third act in a reveal that only muddles the already scattered narrative. Shaw's shattered faith in her Engineers, and David's mysterious role in the on-board destruction, remain intriguing threads throughout the well-orchestrated action beats, but so much else is lost in the shuffle it's hard to engage on any level beyond being dazzled by the titanic special effects.

As a big-budget, wide-ranging ensemble action film, Prometheus is so very different from Alien that it's not really worth comparing the films, but it's hard not to miss how concise Alien was, picking off its characters on by one, slowly teasing out one horrible monster, and leaving us just a couple of existential questions-- not dozens-- to wrestle with in the end. It's clear that Prometheus never intended to concretely answer many of the big notions it brings up, but much like he did for the end of Lost, Lindelof settles on feeble spiritual ideas as his story's resolution, without the audience's attachment to the characters this time to bolster them. The visuals and scope of Prometheus are captivating, but the story drops constant hints at something bigger and more complete, then throws up its hands and follows through on none of it in the end. It's very fun to walk out of the movie discussing all the ideas it brings to mind, but it would be even more fun to have a movie that could actually capitalize on them.

For our To 3D or not to 3D guide to Prometheus, go Here.

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Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

The unlikely romantic pairing of Keira Knightley and Steve Carell never starts to feel any more likely in the glaringly inauthentic Seeking A Friend for the End of the World, which uses the end of days as a quirky-cute backdrop for one last-chance romance. There's nothing inherently wrong with the idea-- Don McKellar did wonderful things with it in the tiny, lovely Canadian drama Last Night-- but first-time director Lorene Scafaria never nails down a tone for this rambling road trip romance, tossing together some dark humor, some rom-com contrivances and some last-minute sap for an uncomfortable, never quite satisfying combination.

The best part of the film comes early on, when our sad-sack hero Dodge (Carell) grudgingly attends a "last-chance" party held by his ferociously unhappy married friends (Connie Britton and Rob Corddry), not long after he's left in the dust by his own wife (Carell's wife Nancy, in a cameo). The part is packed with welcome faces like Patton Oswalt and Melanie Lynskey, and the revelers do all the bad stuff they would avoid if there weren't 21 days left to go on earth-- heroin is passed around like champagne, kids play with fireworks in the driveway, and Britton's character makes a pass at Dodge that he, infuriatingly, refuses. Dodge is a miserable wet blanket even when met with the fact of his own demise, and it's frustrating to leave the party with him, knowing that the vibrant and funny people there will be left behind in the movie's dogged pursuit of romance.

There's no limit to the cutesy, unrealistic things that happen to Dodge once he meets Keira Knightley's Penny, starting with her arrival as a sobbing mess on his fire escape and ending with their escape from a riot-riddled New York (badly mimicked by California) as they ditch her whiny boyfriend (Adam Brody, yet another person we sorely miss when he's gone). Dodge has decided to hunt down the old flame he let go years earlier, and Penny desperately wants to get back to England to see her family one last time; Dodge makes the incredibly shady promise of "knowing a guy with a plane" to help Penny out, so she agrees to travel with him to find his lost love. Their road trip brings them to people coping with the apocalypse in all kinds of ways, from a hired hitman to Penny's survivalist ex (Derek Luke) to a tripped-out T.G.I. Friday's (staffed by Gillian Jacobs and T.J. Miller) to a determined cop still writing speeding tickets (Parks & Recreation's Jim O'Heir).

Like the party at the beginning, each of these encounters suggests a richer, funnier movie to follow, rather than watching Dodge and Penny go through the motions of any other meet-cute romance. The side characters get most of the funniest moments, and in the case of Britton or the late-arriving Martin Sheen, some of the best pathos as well. Both Carell and Knightley are supremely likable screen presences, but they're all wrong for each other here, and Scafaria's script saddles them with a passionate romance that doesn't come close to emerging on-screen. There's wit to spare in Seeking a Friend, not to mention the irresistibly melancholy presence, but Scafaria never assembles all the elements into a meaningful whole, much less crafting a romance that's worth following through the end of time.

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Haywire

A hot contract killer shoots, punches, and kicks her way halfway around the world to figure out why her employer set her up to be murdered. It may not sound like the most original plot ever, but it?s still worth watching.

The Movie:

Our story begins with a somewhat suspicious-acting Mallory Kane (Gina Carano) slipping into a roadside diner. When a tired and hung-over Aaron (Channing Tatum) shows up to ?bring her in,? we?ve barely got time to figure out their relationship before the two of them are brutally beating the crap out of each other. Mallory breaks Aaron?s arm and beats him unconscious before she gets away with the help of a good Samaritan (Michael Angarano). And that?s when Mallory starts to explain to him -- and us -- what the hell just happened back there and why.

Mallory, it turns out, is a freelance operative who handles off-the-books assignments through her manager/handler/former boyfriend, Kenneth (Ewan MacGregor). Despite a grueling run of back-to-back assignments, including rescuing a Chinese journalist in Barcelona, Kenneth convinces her to do one more easy assignment in Ireland with an MI-6 contact (Michael Fassbender) he?s trying to score points with. And despite the bad vibes, it really is a pretty simple job...until Mallory discovers her journalist executed in the garage and Paul (Fassbender) tries to murder her back at their hotel room, with lots of police backup. Oddly enough, Mallory takes offense to this course of action and decides to find out who?s set her up and why.

If this sounds like a standard action/revenge thriller to you, well... that?s because it kind of is. There?s nothing in Haywire that?s going to rewrite the way action movies are made or make your head spin from a twist you never saw coming. But it does have a couple interesting things going for it.

First off, unlike most of these films, there?s no act-two reveal where we find out why everyone turned on Mallory, framed her, and what she?ll need to do to clear her name. She gets a rough sense of where the trail starts, but for the most part she and the audience are left in the dark for most of the film as she fights her way across Europe and America. This feels a little more believable, that an agent who?s been cut off with no resources would be...well, cut off. It?s not until the end of the film that we finally get a sense of the motivation behind Mallory getting burned.

Second is the action. There?s a lot of it and it?s good. Carano was the first female mixed martial artist, and as such she doesn?t need a stuntwoman to film her fight scenes for her. She?s tough and hard and more than believable as a woman who?s beating the crap out of every assassin that?s being sent after her. Since the camera never has to cut to an odd angle or overly wide shot to hide the people fighting -- and director Steven Soderbergh never feels the need to amplify the scenes with sharp sound effects or music -- there?s a brutality to this film that you don?t really see in action movies. It might not be as fast or pretty as some wirework fight scenes, but you never doubt for a second that people are getting pummeled here.

But, like I said, in the end Haywire is really just another action/revenge thriller. It?s got a few nice tweaks that keep it from falling to the back of that pack, but nothing that makes it leap to the front, either. We never get to know Mallory well enough to sympathize with her past knowing ?people are trying to kill her.? The downside of saving all that explanation for the end is that it almost becomes an epilogue -- the story?s over just as we finally understand why this all happened.

I really want to give Haywire four stars, but while it?s an entertaining , well-made film that does a lot of things, it never feels like it does quite enough. As I said, many of the action-movie tropes have been pared away to let the raw action shine through, but this also leaves the film feeling a bit thin at points. It?s never anorexic, but it does give you the sense there should?ve just been a little more to it somewhere.

The Disc:

This is a pretty bare-bones disc, so if special features tend to swing the vote for you...well, I can tell you now which way you?ll be going. There?s a 15-minute feature called ?Gina Carano in Training? which has a simple interview with the fighter-actress talking about how Soderbergh contacted her to be in the film, and how she trained with armorers and stuntmen to prepare for her first film. There?s also some assembled footage where the director talks about seeing her first MMA fight (also included in the feature -- all 38 seconds of it) and deciding to build a movie around this woman. The other feature, ?The Men of Haywire,? is composed of quick snippets of the otherwise all-male cast talking about working with Soderbergh and Carano. Oh, and there?s a bunch of Lionsgate trailers if you like watching those.

Distributor: Lionsgate Home EntertainmentStarring: Gina Carano, Ewan McGregor, Michael Fassbender, Channing Tatum, Michael Douglas, Bill Paxton, and Antonio BanderasDirected by: Steven SoderberghProduced by: Kenneth Halsband, Alan Moloney, Ryan Kavanaugh, Tucker Tooley, Michael Polaire, Gregory Jacobs

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Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted

Madagascar 3 is high-energy chaos. It?s more than two hours worth of material crammed into a measly eighty-five minutes. It doesn?t stop for breaths or pause to consider the physics of its stunts. It just goes and goes and goes, blending word gags, sight gags, physical comedy and strange accents until the final credits suddenly role. There?s little time for larger messages or subtlety on this train frantically hurtling through and destroying Europe, but then again, that?s not necessarily a bad thing.

A film needs to know its goals. It needs to decide such things ahead of time and let the mission dictate what it includes and what it leaves on the cutting room floor. If nothing else Europe?s Most Wanted has a very good idea of itself. It chooses to destroy cars rather than analyze the chemistry between Melman and Gloria. It chooses dancing over walking, bloviating over pondering and color over realism. For two long stretches, the film looks like Guy Fawkes set off barrels of dynamite during a race on Mario Kart?s Rainbow Road level, and somehow, it feels entirely in keeping with Madagascar 3?s vision of zany, rampageous fun.

That fun starts exactly where the second film left off. Alex (Ben Stiller), Marty (Chris Rock), Melman (David Schwimmer) and Gloria (Jada Pinkett Smith) are hanging out in Africa convinced the stupid penguins will never return from their gambling scheme in Monte Carlo. They?re probably right. Dressing the chimps up as the Prince of Versailles, they?ve won millions at the casino and aren?t excited about leaving. Without options, our heroes make their way to Monte Carlo to hitch a ride back to New York. Naturally, it doesn?t go as planned, and after a few chases that destroy dozens of vehicles, buildings and, through cause-and-effect, insurance companies, Alex and friends buy a fledgling circus as their ticket back to America and a way to avoid the merciless animal control officer Chantel Dubois (Frances McDormand).

Within the colorful tent, the film introduces a slew of new characters, most importantly Vitaly (Bryan Cranston), a bitter Russian tiger, Gia (Jessica Chastain), a trapeze-loving jaguar and Stefano (Martin Short), an Italian sea lion who desperately wants to be of average intelligence. Together, they all work to transform the act into an event worth booking. In the process, they, of course, forge bonds, learn things about each other and because it?s Madagascar, dance.

None of it is particularly awesome or memorable, but because it?s jammed in quick succession, it?s watchable and entertaining. In many ways, it?s like a real circus. There?s a reason why the animals pick up and leave after a few weeks. I don?t know anyone who wants to watch elephants stand on their hand legs and hear a ringmaster shout weekly or even monthly, but as a meaningless, now-and-again spectacle, it?s a good idea. Thus will be the legacy of Madagascar 3, a chaotic, enjoyable hour-and-a-half that?s endearing enough not to be avoided on purpose.

On paper, it should have been far worse, but with above average voice work, crazy, vibrant visuals and a determination to be the life of the party, Europe?s Most Wanted kind of works. I wouldn?t go out of my way to ever watch it again, but if you pushed me and there were good snacks around, I wouldn?t complain.

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This Means War [Blu-Ray]

This Means War is a shoddy epic romance adventure missing many of the main components that made Charlie?s Angels and some of McG?s better directorial efforts oodles of fun. A Tom Hardy/Chris Pine endeavor should have been a no brainer, but somehow this flick misses the mark on all counts: romance, comedy, and action. That isn?t to say there aren't plenty of things blowing up or feeble jokes attempted, but the timing is off on most of these, likely due to some ill-advised film editing.

The Movie:

The bromance is at the heart of the storyline in This Means War, despite the film also featuring a female lead. Tuck (Hardy) and FDR (Pine) are best friends who also have each other?s backs in the CIA. One day, Tuck decides to spin the online-dating wheel, inspiring ridicule from his best bud. Later, FDR happens to meet the same woman in a video store and the two spend the rest of the flick one-upping each other to compete for Lauren?s (Witherspoon) attentions.

It may be easier to flesh out a bromance, but This Means War leaves little room for its women, played by Chelsea Handler and Reese Witherspoon. Handler?s Trish is a potty-mouthed former train wreck whose only narrative substance is to give the naively-written Witherspoon a dose of advice asking her to relive the days before she ended up married to a Cheeto-loving bearded wonder. Nor does the intelligent, career-woman angle work for Lauren when she ends up listening to her destructive friend?s advice. Lauren?s supposed to be the business end of a product-testing company, but she seems to have the brains of a frog when it comes to anything related to men. At least she?s really, really pretty.

All this could be easy to forgive if the film's spy plotline was given a ghost of a chance; however, the spy theme is more than a way to integrate fun weaponry and other technological resources into a plotline that would otherwise be a less bold production. Poor Angela Bassett?s in this film only to bark orders at Tuck and FDR like a nun chastising naughty schoolboys on the playground. Someone needed to do this, though, as the two men waste time and resources trying to earn playdates when there is actually a bad guy in this plotline.

Which brings us to the villain, a whisper of a problem who finally appears onscreen halfway through the film. Heinrich (Til Schweiger) is a German with a ferocious face, but otherwise, we don?t see many of his bad-guy credentials. He?s mostly there as a catalyst to force Tuck and FDR to unite to save the day. This creates a problem when random CIA action shots are juxtaposed with the romance competition in a haphazard way. Neither ever seems to get enough screen time and the finished product is a total mess. What?s worse is it's never particularly compelling to watch.

Shallow, blank, and boring, This Means War occasionally gets out a joke that shines slightly brighter than mindless, giving us the hope this movie might be worth pulling out again on a Sunday afternoon. Honestly, if you?re the type that likes the occasional exploding object in the background, the film provides enough sight gags that there actually may be room for the flick in your Blu-Ray collection. For anyone who is even looking for a small step beyond the gratuitous, This Means War will neither be a fun afternoon romp on cable or a good addition to your permanent collection. It?s a mental wasteland with a dash of retread.

The Disc:

The disc forces you to choose either the theatrical version or the extended version, which always confuses the hell out of me when I?m trying to do the disc review. I never claimed I was remote competent. Once I found the extras, I learned most of them are outtake related and most of them can be viewed with or without commentary from McG.

Extras on the disc include ?Bachelorette Party,? an extended look at Lauren?s ?friendships,? which basically features a bunch of appearances from Handler?s comedy posse. Following this are a ton of deleted scenes. I watched these with the commentary, first, and learned that most of these character-building scenes were cut because they did not fit the pace of the film. It?s too bad, because I do believe the audience could have done with more scenes with Tuck bonding with his family, with Witherspoon behaving with a little more edge, and of Tuck and Pine inadvertently talking about their dates without realizing those dates were with the same woman.

The alternate-endings section takes a look at all of the possible ways the film could have ended up, which are worth watching. However, the alternate opening is a ridiculous Sims cartoon interspersed with hand-drawn screenshots that really do not need to be part of the disc. Just because a director has something does not mean he or she should share it. There was also the gag reel, which I never recommend, but if that?s your thing, it does exist on the disc.

Altogether, McG seems to have shot a lot of extra film. If he had just put the pieces together a little more carefully, This Means War could have been a very different film.

This Means War [Blu-Ray] DetailsDistributor: 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentStarring: Reese Witherspoon, Tom Hardy, Chris Pine, Chelsea HandlerProduced by: Will Smith, Robert Simmonds, James Lassiter, Simon KinbergWritten by: Timothy Dowling, Simon Kinberg

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Albert Nobbs

Glenn Close has apparently trying to get Albert Nobbs made for about 30 years. She played the role onstage in the 1980s and ever since has been working to bring the story of a female hotel waiter living as a man to the big screen. She finally succeeded. Unfortunately.

The Movie:

While you have to give it some credit for the high-wire act of having not one, but two women playing women pretending to be men, there is a big problem with Albert Nobbs. In addition to being a boring and uninspired film, both women pretending to men are obviously women. Nobody would ever be fooled by them. Some movies require suspended disbelief, but in this case you have to believe that all of turn-of-the-century Dublin was unable to make the same determination you would make about two seconds after seeing either Albert Nobbs (Glenn Close) or Hubert Page (Janet McTeer).

Close, who also co-wrote the script and produced, was nominated for an Oscar for her role as Nobbs. It?s hard to see why. Playing Nobbs, who has been living as a man since being raped at age 14, Close mostly sits, stares, talks quietly, and acts weird. There isn?t much sympathetic in either the character or the performance. Focusing mostly on earning enough money to open a small shop, Nobbs stays out of everyone?s way. If that sounds kind of boring, well, it is.

More lively by far is McTeer?s Page, a house painter who is even more obviously a woman than Nobbs. Page has embraced life and married a woman, encouraging Nobbs to do the same. Nobbs looks around and inconceivably chooses flirty hotel maid Helen (Mia Wasikowska), wooing her in an awkward and almost dense manner. Helen is encouraged to play along by her ne'er-do-well boyfriend (Aaron Johnson) who hopes to get his hands on Nobb?s savings. Oh, and there is also the hotel owner (Pauline Collins), a drunken doctor (Brendan Gleeson), a married Viscount (Jonathan Rhys-Myers) who travels with his ?friend,? and other bits of local color that do little to distract from the way the film plods on and on.

Despite the few tentative side plots, it?s really the Albert Nobbs show, and therefore Close bears the blame for the failure. She does a reasonably good job of playing a weird socially inept person who is trying to improve her life but doesn?t really know how, but who wants to see that? Maybe with a more interesting story, a more sympathetic lead, or more inspired work, it could work, but this just doesn?t. McTeer?s Page is a much more interesting and engaging character and you find yourself wishing she?d show up on screen whenever she?s absent.

The Disc:

The DVD for Albert Nobbs is as disappointing as the movie itself. It?s a very talky movie that doesn?t really require amazing picture or sound quality, but they are both fine. I did have to turn on the subtitles as a few of the accents were tough to make out when the dialogue was coming fast and furious. The real issue is the paucity of extras. Although I didn?t like it, Glenn Close and Janet McTeer rode this film to Oscar nominations, so how about a little information about their preparation, opinions, or feelings in a documentary or featurette? Heck, anything about anyone would have been better than the nothing you get.

There is a commentary featuring Close and director Rodrigo Garcia that gives you a sense of why Close spent so long trying to get the film made. I don't share her enthusiasm for the film, but as she talks about the film and the journey, you have to give her credit for not giving up on something she was passionate about. I had the same problem I often have with commentaries for movies I don?t like: Close and Garcia talk about Albert Nobbs in such a positive way, and I keep thinking ?But?but?it?s not good.?

Other than the commentary, you get about eight minutes of deleted scenes. They include more scenes with maid Helen, her jerky boyfriend, and their interaction with Nobbs. Without any introductions or context, you get the sense they were just cut for time. The only other extra is the trailer.

These late-1800s and early-1900s period pieces are in vogue lately, what with the cool costumes and class distinctions, but I?d suggest jumping into the era somewhere else. Albert Nobbs, despite a good performance by McTeer, is just not that interesting. Hopefully the next project Close spends 30 years bringing to the screen will work out better.

Distributor: Lionsgate Home EntertainmentStarring: Glenn Close, Mia Wasikowska, Aaron Johnson, Janet McTeer, Pauline Collins, Brendan GleesonProduced by: Glenn Close, Bonnie Curtis, Julie Lynn, Alan MoloneyWritten by: Gabriella Prekop, John Banville, Glenn Close

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Beasts Of The Southern Wild

At Sundance this year, first-time filmmaker Benh Zeitlin won praise for his imaginative fantasy tale set against the backdrop of a Post-Katrina New Orleans, while his 6-year-old ing?nue Quvenzhan? Wallis was the talk of the festival. The accolades carried on through Cannes, where the feisty feature was heralded in particular for its majestic cinematography. Unfortunately, outside of the rarified air of these prestigious festivals, Beasts of the Southern Wild maintains its eerie beauty, but feels frustratingly thin in story and character.

Off the coast of Louisiana lays a forgotten island community that is lovingly called the Bathtub by its residents, because of its tendency to flood. Deemed too dangerous by modern society, the Bathtub is filled with miscreants and misfits. Among them is a scrappy and wild-haired little girl called Hushpuppy (Wallis) who knows well the dangers of this life. She's schooled about the importance of being self-sufficient, a lesson hammered home by tales of massive horned beasts called aurochs, which long ago roamed the land, ruled the Earth, and gobbled up children in front of their helpless parents.

To live in the Bathtub, you must be a survivor, able to find food and high ground when the going gets rough. Raised by her alcoholic and tormented father Wink (Dwight Henry), things are often rough for Hushpuppy, who soothes herself by imagining the mother she never knew cooing advice and lullabies. But even this tenuous stability is threatened when Wink returns home after days of being MIA, and carries with him troubling signs of sickness. Before Hushpuppy can find a cure for what ails him, a terrible storm brews that forces the pair to hunker down. As the rain falls heavy and hard, and the floodwaters rise, Hushpuppy is forced to face her father's impending demise.

Established as a place where people revel in their freedom from convention, drinking, dancing and celebrating with a reckless abandon, the world of the Bathtub is totally enchanting. With its ram-shackled shacks, flocks of dirt-smudged children, free-range fauna, and wild-eyed adults it's a Never Land with an expiration date, threatened by a levy constructed by mainlanders that assures the Bathtub will one day be sunk for good. But in the meantime, it's the perfect backdrop for a story of feral childhood. Unfortunately, the intoxicating wonder of Bathtub is repeatedly abandoned for less intriguing territories, and so Beasts of the Southern Wild is brought low by a meandering plotline and plodding pacing.

Part of the problem is that Hushpuppy and her quest are never quite clear. A lonely child who yearns for parental affection, she wanders from one source to the next without any apparent logic. As he attempts to prepare Hushpuppy to be her own father, Wink sneers at all things girly. So to impress him she dutifully obeys his commands to growl, "beast" a crab, noodle a catfish, and display her "guns." But as his health worsens, Hushpuppy sets off on an impromptu search for her long-missing mother along with a fleet of orphaned Bathtub girls who follow her without question or explanation. Because her tie to her father is so conflicted, it's difficult to follow her reasoning here. Then comes a string of unbelievable plot points that lead to a final confrontation where Hushpuppy's fantasy becomes a visually striking but confounding and unearned reality.

Sadly, most of Hushpuppy's character is forged through her overwrought voiceover that pervades much of the film. It's a screenwriting crutch which attempts to infuse this child protagonist with a rich inner life. But the more it's used, the more it's clear how dependent the film and Wallis's performance are on its laborious explanations. Much of Wallis's screentime is made up of lingering close-ups of her blank countenance, which viewers must project emotion or motive onto, as Wallis displays none. In moments of rage, panic and despair, her performance is strong, beautifully capturing the feral and fickle nature of youth with a fittingly wild and raw energy. But neither Zeitlin's overzealous romanticizing of the young girl's almost other worldly beauty nor the mystical voiceover monologues make for a character as compelling as I'd expected from such a celebrated Sundance selection.

Ultimately, Beasts of the Southern Wild creates a fascinating world on the brink of elimination, yet lacks any sort of suspense because of a grim atmosphere and aimless plotting. To Zeitlin's credit, he makes glorious use of his locations and shows a lyrical sense of imagination blending the devastation of flooded Louisiana with the intimidating beasts of Bathtub legend. However, with such inventive visuals, it was distracting and disappointing to have so much depends on aggressively poetic voiceover. On top of that, putting so much of the film's success on the shoulders of a young non-actor is a big gamble that I don't feel paid off. In the end, as the waters receded, and the brass instruments blared out a triumphant final track, I was left feeling Beasts of the Southern Wild was shallow, offering little beyond they gritty-pretty style that made the battered fringe of New Orleans an exotic wild zone.

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Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Midway through Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter our hero-- yes, the very same 16th President-- goes in pursuit of the man he's wanted to kill since he was a child, a vampire (played by Marton Csokas) who killed young Abe's mother. The vampire flees to a field where, for whatever reason, a band of wild horses begin to stampede; Abe chases the super-powered vampire, who flings a horse at him at one point, and the chase eventually has them running across the backs of horses until they tumble over a cliff (in central Illinois, mind you) and Abe has his vengeance at last.

This scene, filmed in the CGI-created golden light of magic hour and conceived by Russian director Timur Bekmambetov, may be the most American thing I've ever seen in my life. It's loud, it's crass, it's faux-reverent of the past, and it's complete confident in its utter ridiculousness. It's a shallow simulacrum of the actual peaks of bombastic American filmmaking-- your Michael Bays, your James Camerons-- but in a way that only makes it more amusing. Abraham Lincoln is a folly from top to bottom, a dead-serious retelling of an utterly preposterous story, with action scenes so choppy and inauthentic they make Michael Bay look like John Cassavetes. But it is also, in its brassy American way, endearing, like the guy who shows up to the Fourth of July picnic in the American flag shirt and somehow becomes the life of the party anyway.

Your mileage, as with any movie crammed with unintentional laughter, may vary, but there are performances and some spectacular fight choreography that ought to keep anyone's interest. Benjamin Walker, who electrified audiences in Broadway's Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson, is toned down to a fault as Abraham Lincoln, but he commits with a real gravitas, and looks perfectly the part in the old age makeup later in the film (Greg Cannom, who won an Oscar for the makeup in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, does similarly excellent work here). Walker is surrounded by a laundry list of welcome supporting players from Anthony Mackie and Dominic Cooper as his partners in various anti-vampire crimes to Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Mary Todd (girls, as is usually the case with these kinds of movies, don't get to have much fun). Alan Tudyk pops up briefly as Stephen Douglas, which is hilarious, and Jimmi Simpson is appealingly shifty as another pal, Joshua Speed, who gives Abe his first job working as a store clerk.

Outshining all of them, Walker included, is Rufus Sewell as the vampire plantation owner Adam, with a Southern drawl and evil gleam that screams for its own Anne Rice movie. You see, in the version of the Civil War envisioned by Seth Grahame-Smith in the original novel (he adapted the screenplay as well), the South was run by vicious slave-owning vampires, and only Abraham Lincoln and a select group of vampire hunters knew the truth. The screenplay only hints at the obvious reasons vampires would be invested in slavery-- i.e., a food source-- and the film is pretty unconvincing as a revision of Civil War-era politics, or as anything but an excuse to send Abe swinging his silver-tipped axe through undead hordes.

The action scenes are the film's entire selling point, and while Walker, Mackie and Sewell all get impressively physical, Bekmambetov swings the camera around them so quickly you often can't see them at all. The film is drowning in CGI effects, which are fun in a ridiculous way sometimes-- a big final scene set on a flaming train, for instance-- and merely exhausting in most scenes. There's nothing in the action here that feels special, or not done better in Bekmambetov's own Wanted, and the movie never has a convincing answer for exactly why we needed to put Honest Abe through all this. But you know what? This is America, where massively expensive Hollywood follies were invented. Only one country could have created Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, and dammit, that's a country I'm proud to be part of. USA! USA!

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The Amazing Spider-Man

Even if you don't automatically recoil at the words "reboot," "sequel" or "franchise," it's hard not to roll your eyes a little at The Amazing Spider-Man, which revives the cinematic saga of Peter Parker exactly 10 years after Sam Raimi's Spider-Man started telling it the first time around. In the comics they've managed to move on to a whole new Spider-Man with Miles Morales, but onscreen we're back again to Peter and Uncle Ben and Aunt May, to a bite from a genetically modified spider and a villain who's also a family friend. A few of the details have changed, but for the first hour of The Amazing Spider-Man, you'll be forgiven for feeling serious deja vu.

Luckily, it gets better from there, and the second hour of the movie contains some well-wrought action scenes, a believable and affectionate romance between Peter (Andrew Garfield) and his girl Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone), and eventually the requisite shots of Spidey swinging through the skyscraper canyons of midtown Manhattan that alone justify the existence of CGI. But director Marc Webb, making a huge leap from his directorial debut (500) Days of Summer, never gives the movie a point of view, or a fresh enough gloss on the familiar story to justify revisiting it. The world he establishes for Spider-Man, and especially the performances from Garfield and Stone, are appealing and full of promise; so why couldn't we give all these new players something actually fresh to do?

It must be said, over and over again, how good Andrew Garfield is as Peter Parker, to the point that you wish you could wipe Tobey Maguire's portrayal from your brain. At 28 Garfield is hilariously too old for the high-school character, but he brings to Peter both an adolescent angst and a grounded appeal-- his scenes with Stone have real hormonal heat, and in the skintight Spidey suit his whippet-thin body captures both Peter's tentative steps toward his superpowers and the confidence that eventually emerges. Garfield manages to play Peter as a sensitive soul-- he sticks up for a bullied kid in the opening scene-- but a wiseacre, a do-gooder spurred to help others but also taunt his nemesis (Chris Zylka) with his newfound powers. Paired with Stone, whose Gwen Stacy is capable and courageous, Garfield is the perfect balance of superhero and believable kid, and his takeover of the character is the single best thing The Amazing Spider-Man has to offer.

It's everything that surrounds Peter and Gwen, unfortunately, that constantly drags the film down. As the geneticist Dr. Curt Connors, who experiments on himself and eventually transforms into the monstrous Lizard, Rhys Ifans is largely on autopilot, a villain who provides occasional obstacles for our hero and not much more. Campbell Scott and Embeth Davidtz appear in flashbacks as Peter's parents, in roles that seem to be much more important to the future Amazing Spider-Man sequel, and though Sally Field makes a perfectly good Aunt May, it's Martin Sheen who makes the stronger impression as Uncle Ben-- and, as you surely know by now, he doesn't stick around the movie too long.

About an hour in Connors transforms into the Lizard for the first time, and with a villain for Spider-Man to face and action set pieces to breeze through, the movie picks up considerable steam. Only one fight-- set at Peter's Midtown Science High School, and featuring a charming Stan Lee cameo-- is truly unique, but the others work just fine, and the much-promoted sequence atop a skyscraper carries a nice vertiginous thrill. But there's also no strong connection between the Lizard and Spider-Man, despite all that back story about Connors working with Peter's father, and as far as CGI beasts go, the Lizard is nothing groundbreaking or special. That goes for just about all the big-screen theatrics of The Amazing Spider-Man-- it jumps every required hurdle for a superhero blockbuster, but just barely, and with no flair.

But even after all that, it's exciting to think of where Spider-Man might go next, reinvigorated with a strong new cast and a deeper back story that hopefully won't need too many villains (hello, Spider-Man 3!) to raise the stakes next time. The Amazing Spider-Man isn't the bold curtain-raiser they needed to justify a reboot such a short time later, but it earns its keep. Spider-Man lives to see another franchise-- maybe next time they'll make it a clear victory.

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The Chronicle [Blu-Ray]

Chronicle has one of the best trailers I?ve ever seen in my entire life. Unfortunately, the movie itself isn?t even a fraction as good as the trailer. I wanted this movie to be so much better.

The Movie:

If you could have any super power in the world, what would it be? It would be to fly, right? Well, I would have picked magnetism, but flying is cool too, I guess (plus, Magneto can also fly). Chronicle poses just that question to a trio of high school students in a film that could have been astounding, but instead ends up mediocre at best. I guess we?ll always have the trailer.

The biggest problem with this movie is that it?s another found-footage film. While it being a super-hero found-footage movie might have been its original appeal, all I can see is limitations now that I've watched it a second time. The conceit gets in the way of the story, especially towards the end. That said, I don?t think the movie would be anything at all without the whole found-footage thing. So it?s like a catch-22, really. It doesn?t work either way.

Another problem is the whole high school setting and characters. While The Wire's Michael B. Jordan does play a convincing cool-kid-at-school, the other two super-powered characters just feel like they?re missing something. They?re either too angst-ridden or too laid back. They also look like they?re acting, which is never a good sign. I had a hard time relating to these characters. Sure, I was in high school many moons ago, but placing this film in that setting makes it harder for me to connect to the events that follow. Again, it?s a catch-22. The best parts of the film are when the characters are just goofing off or playing football in the air like high school students would do, but then again, I found these characters annoying because of their reckless youth. This film really can?t win in my eyes.

Chronicle isn?t all bad, however. The airborne football scene is enthralling, and the gee-whiz-we-have-powers parts are really enjoyable the first time you see it, but the rest kind of falls apart, especially the ending, which is too much like Akira for its own good, and gets there too quickly, so it feels like a rush job.

Overall, the trailer for Chronicle was so much better than the final product. I really wanted to like this movie, but it was mediocre and leaning toward crummy. But hey, you might like it. It?s not for everybody, but for who it?s for, those people might really get a real kick out of it. It will find its audience. I just don?t happen to be it.

The Disc:

Chronicle?s special features aren?t bad, they?re just nothing special, much like the movie itself. This disc?s main special feature is an extended director?s cut, but, alas, like most ?director?s cuts? (excluding Blade Runner?s, of course), it isn't very different from the theatrical version. There are some extra scenes of the boys just talking about their powers, but it doesn?t add much to the film. Next up is the deleted scene. That?s right, ?scene,? not scenes. It?s only a few seconds long (I don?t even think it?s an entire minute), and it?s of that one moment with the blonde girl in the kid?s house that you can see in the trailer, but that was excluded from the theatrical version. The back of the box calls this scene, ?incredible.? Well, it?s certainly not incredible, I can tell you that much.

There?s also something called, ?Pre-Viz,? which I?ve come to learn is the term for showing scenes that are pre-rendered before the actual action is put in the movie. Think storyboarding, but moving, and all blocky. That?s actually pretty cool. It allows you to see just how the scenes were put together, and it reminds me of a first-generation Playstation game. I liked it. There?s also a ?Camera Test,? which features scenes from the movie but with different actors playing the roles. And while I?m not too fond of the actors they eventually found for the picture, I?m glad they got rid of these guys. They pretty much suck. The excellent trailer rounds out the rest of the special features.

The Chronicle [Blu-Ray] DetailsDistributor: 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentStarring: Dane DeHaan, Michael B. Jordan, Michael Kelly, Alex RussellProduced by: John Davis, Adam Schroeder

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Magic Mike

Florida, no matter how old you are, is where you go to feel younger, whether it's retirees recreating summer camp with long days full of games or twenty-somethings reliving the days of spring break with all-nighters at the club. With no seasons and acres of startlingly identical architecture, Florida-- or more specifically Tampa, the setting of Magic Mike-- is a place where the good life is also a holding pattern, where you start doing one thing that feels great and suddenly find yourself there 10 years later, 30 years old and stripping for hordes of women who all, alarmingly, start looking the same.

That's the situation, at least, for the titular Mike (Channing Tatum), a hunky guy who strips for the money but keeps up with a number of side businesses, like car detailing or construction, that he plans to one day add up and make him rich. Like The Wire's Stringer Bell, he's neck-deep in his industry but thinks he can see past it, harboring dreams of building custom furniture while also negotiating with the club's owner Dallas (a marvelously slimy Matthew McConaughey) for equity in a planned expansion to Miami. Mike's wearing the kind of blinders you need when your life just is meeting women in clubs, convincing them to come see you strip, and bedding them, but a chance encounter with 19-year-old Adam (Alex Pettyfer), whom Mike sets up with a job at the club, starts to change how Mike sees his long-delayed plans for the future.

You can probably tell by now that Magic Mike isn't exactly the glitter-caked bachelorette party romp promised in the trailers, at least not entirely. But what's probably most impressive about the work Steven Soderbergh does, directing from Reid Carolin's script, is that it's got the glitz and the heavy character study, without sacrificing either. The stripping scenes, in which Tatum and Pettyfer are joined onstage by the likes of Matthew Bomer, Adam Rodriguez, Joe Manganiello and Kevin Nash (hunks, all of 'em), are a genuine blast, with sharp choreography and elaborate costumes better than any real-life strip club I've seen. All of the guys are at their best onstage, and Soderbergh gives us their elation-- and all the promised male flesh-- while making every dance part of the story, and a step on Mike's road to figuring out how to make a change.

Tatum, who worked briefly as a male stripper and has retained every bit of the dance skills he had for his breakout role in Step Up, has never been better suited to a part, and his naturalistic, easy charm suffuses every frame of the movie, so that when Magic Mike becomes more of a character study in its second half, it remains gripping. The other guys at the club all make their impact as essentially background players-- and McConaughey, quite seriously, is Oscar-worthy with his oily performance-- but though Pettyfer is leagues better than he was in something like I Am Number Four, he's essentially overrun by Tatum's boundless appeal. That goes double for Cody Horn as Brooke, Adam's sister and Mike's love interest, whose sourpuss attitude is meant to serve as the "normal" contrast to Mike's high-flying world. She's the kind of untrained actor Soderbergh frequently hires (think Sasha Grey in The Girlfriend Experience), but Horn is a charisma-free flatline in a movie with so many other interesting people to watch-- it's hard not to think of 100 other actresses who could have matched Tatum's down-home appeal with actual talent.

Shot by Soderbergh, serving as his own cinematographer, through a dingy yellow filter that makes everything feel like it's been left in the sun too long, Magic Mike is about dreams that curdle and get deferred, about how you need more money than what's stuffed in a G-string to make it in this world, but how those $1 bills can make it easier to wait-- for a little while, at least. It's also about Channing Tatum being a crazy good dancer, about how fun it would be to party all day on a sandbar, and how a male stripper really can make a woman's night with a good lap dance. These things might be mutually exclusive in the hands of another director, or disastrous when combined, but as usual, Soderbergh makes it look easy.

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That's My Boy

While we may never be able to pinpoint when or why it happened, at some point Adam Sandler simply gave up. The movies he made at the start of his career weren?t high art, but they had fun characters and stories to tell and the star actually seemed emotionally invested in his work. But over the last decade, for the most part, Sandler?s name no longer brings about thoughts of the word ?comedian,? bur rather ?label that specializes in mass-producing immature, poorly-written schlock.? And now the latest in that line, director Sean Anders? That?s My Boy, is being shoveled into theaters.

The film begins with a young boy named Donny Berger (Justin Weaver) who becomes famous in the mid-1980s for having sex with and impregnating his school teacher. Thirty years later, however, Donny (Sandler) finds that his life has completely bottomed out and that he faces a three year prison sentence for tax evasion. While trying to figure out a way to pay the money that owes, he discovers that his son, Todd (Andy Samberg) ? who emancipated himself when he turned 18 ? is actually a big success who is about to get married. Donnie then works out a deal with a sleazy TV show host (Dan Patrick) promising that he can get his son to reunite with both him and his mother for a special episode, but as Donny gets closer to his son he begins to have second thoughts about his plan.

Sandler has played some awful, grating characters over the course of his career, but few have been as bad as Donny. Sporting an accent that makes him sound like he replaced his vocal cords with a meat grinder, the star spends the entire movie acting like a self-obsessed asshole, but rather than coming across as funny it?s just obnoxious. The script tries to compensate by having Todd be the only person resistant to Donny?s ?charms,? but it reads false and simply makes you just as aggravated with the supporting cast as you are with Sandler.?

In a way That?s My Boy is new territory for Sandler, as it?s the first R-rated film that he has made under his Happy Madison banner, but the rating only shines a light on just how lazy Sandler and his crew have become. Instead of testing their comedic skills with wit and well-crafted lines and situations, the film is plastered with excessive raunchiness and garish characters that fail to muster even a giggle. There are some moments that are actually clever and interesting ? particularly a crafty cameo that comes towards the end ? but it?s all drowned out by Sandler quoting decade-old beer commercials, fat strippers and Leighton Meester licking semen off of a wedding dress.

There?s also the matter of comedic timing, which seems lost on Anders, Sandler, and writer David Caspe. ?More than just the fact that the film reuses every lame joke you?ve ever heard (aren?t we tired of the dirty old lady and angry priest tropes by this point?), every gag is set up so that you can see it coming from a mile away. When we first meet Samberg?s character he is shown always carrying an emergency pair of underwear and you want to shed a tear because you just know that before the end of the movie the young talent will be shitting his pants. Every little wink-wink might as well be explained by a narrator that pops up at the top of the screen. The punchlines don?t work because the audience not only has time to figure out what is going to happen, but also find 10 ways that it could have been done better. By the end of the film you?re waiting to not laugh at the jokes the characters are tossing out and that?s not exactly conducive to a good time at the cinema.

There is real talent somewhere inside Adam Sandler. An actor can?t put on performances like he did in Punch Drunk Love, Funny People or even The Wedding Singer without having some sort of spark within them. What?s sad is that Sander has the spark, but he?s been suppressing it for years, instead being content flipping off audiences and raking in cash. That?s the only way that movies like That?s My Boy get made.

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Perfect Sense [Blu-Ray]

The idea that an epidemic might swarm through the world, cutting off people?s sensory perceptions, could explore a lot of potential angles. How will people react? Will they get used to the changes? Will there be exceptions to the disease? We?ve seen big-budget movies try to present the panic and bewildering emotions related to broad-spectrum disease, but director David Mackenzie takes a different route in Perfect Sense, a story about disease, but more about two young lovers navigating a new world.

The Movie:

There is a lot of rushing in the first few minutes of Perfect Sense. People are living frenzied lives. Michael (Ewan McGregor), for instance, runs a busy kitchen and Susan (Eva Green) works in a laboratory focusing on epidemiology. I?d guess that latter job might generally be less stressful, but with an impending virus cutting off people?s ability to smell around the world, things in the lab are moving forward with a bit more fervor. Just when the smell epidemic reaches the area, Susan and Michael have a meet-cute moment. They end up extremely nude, later, and when they wake up together, they find their olfactory senses are entirely gone.

What follows is not the continued panic one might expect to see. There is a lot of sobering talk, even amidst some laughter, a lot of shots meant to belie introspection, handed to us by an incredibly annoying but necessary narrative device. What Mackenzie seems to be trying to show is that humanity will be able to move beyond an epidemic, even if that epidemic affects each and every one of us, and assuming that epidemic does not kill us off. Even with a loss of smell, life will move on.

While the aftermath of Perfect Sense is quite heartfelt, its actual plotline is unbelievable, a story that becomes even more preposterous when humanity begins to lose its other senses as well. During this time, we are bamboozled by the camera and never given even half a chance to see the world over during this time of trepidation and disease. Instead, we are asked to focus on Michael and Susan as they begin to explore their love for one another in ?new? and ?interesting? ways as the disease robs them of their senses one by one.

The notion of two people clinging through hardship together is a theme we?ve seen before, but in Perfect Sense it is overly sentimental, driven by Susan?s narration of the event and its maudlin declaration that love must triumph, even in times of turmoil. Without love, there is nothing. Perfect Sense spends a lot of time making this declaration clear, but without it, we might have been privy to more shots of the devastating effects of the disease and fewer shots of Eva Green?s wasted nudity throughout.

Perfect Sense began with the bud of an idea, but then took a wrong turn somewhere between loss of taste and loss of sight. If you?re into dwelling in harrowing emotional states, this movie might strike in your lane, but for everyone else, Perfect Sense, despite its intense focus on the serious, will be a laughably flawed production.

The Disc:

The extras section is pretty Spartan, with the main feature taking a short look at the film by juxtaposing some of the trailer with interviews from Green and Mackenzie. I was really hoping we?d get a chance to hear more from the cast and crew about the making of the film, or maybe even from Max Richter, the Blue Notebooks composer whose music is one of the better parts of Perfect Sense.

The disc is set up pretty well and the previews at the beginning can be skipped, which is a nice bonus. One of the strangest things with the set is the scene selection, which is set up vertically rather than in the usual horizontal frame. Overall, even if you liked the film, I?m not certain the set is a necessary buy, but with no noticeable film-color or film-technique problems, there may be enough there to add the flick to your collection, especially if you are a sucker for romance (or nudity).

Perfect Sense [Blu-Ray] DetailsStarring: Eva Green, Ewan McGregor, Connie NielsenProduced by: Gillian Berrie, Malte Grunert

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The Devil Inside [Blu-Ray]

Even though it came out early in the year, The Devil Inside is still the worst movie of 2012. It pretty much already holds the title as the worst exorcism movie of all time.

The Movie:

The Exorcist totally ruined exorcism movies for everybody. Not because it was bad, mind you, but because it was good. Too good, even. It was nominated for Best Picture in 1973, losing to The Sting. (But really, what could beat The Sting?) The main problem, though, is that no exorcism movie could ever out-scare The Exorcist, as some people call it the scariest movie of all time. Now, I wouldn?t go that far -- The Grudge and A Tale of Two Sisters shall always be my reigning champions -- but still, nothing else can touch it. That?s why exorcism movies these days have to have something unique about them to make them relevant. The Exorcism of Emily Rose had the court trial, and The Last Exorcism had that, well, that ending. But do you want to know what makes The Devil Inside different? The answer to that is that I have no idea. It doesn?t even feel like a movie, but rather like you?re watching your own brain cells dying right in front of you. It?s so bad that it?s not even mediocre. It?s god-awful and one of the worst movies I?ve ever seen in my entire life. I condemn this film to Hell!

I can?t even say that the found-footage thing is unique about it since The Last Exorcism already covered that. All this film has going for it is nuns with opaque eyes and insufferable cheek-jiggling from those who are possessed. So if you find that scary, then you might want to check this movie out. But if you do find that scary, then you?re probably only seven years old and really shouldn?t be at this site in the first place. I mean, we can drop cuss words here, son. Like shit. And damn. For example, this movie is damn shitty. And even that weird contortionist scene that you saw in the trailer isn?t worth a damn given the context of the rest of this film. It?s like watching something on TLC. ?I?m a Teenage Contortionist.? It?s really that lame. Seriously, The Devil Inside wasn?t worth watching in the movie theater and it?s not worth watching here on Blu-ray. Especially with the nonexistent special features, but I?ll get to that later.

The worst part about The Devil Inside, though, is the ending, which is a total smack in the face to anybody who expects a movie to have an ending that makes any sense and isn?t super abrupt. Throughout the film, the protagonist, who has gotten a cameraman and two rouge priests to exorcise her mother, makes dumb decision after dumb decision. But nothing is dumber than her decision at the end, which leads to the most inconclusive finale I think I?ve ever seen in all my years of watching movies. When I saw this film back in the theater, one person even threw their soda bottle at the screen in anger. I?ve never seen that before. Then again, I do go to a pretty tame movie theater. I should have seen this in the run-down theater by my house. The patrons there probably ripped out seats and raised hell. I would have liked to have seen that. At least then I would have seen something interesting.

Overall, The Devil Inside is one of the most off-the-rails train wrecks I?ve ever seen. I?ve watched a lot of horror movies, and The Devil Inside is the worst. I can?t recommend this film to anybody. The power of Christ compels you not to watch this film. And if you already bought it, then the power of Christ compels you to throw it in the garbage. God loves everybody. But He doesn?t love this film.

The Disc:

If I could give a disc zero stars, I would. This disc is fucking pathetic. The special features include?well, there are no special features. Unless you consider French or Spanish subtitles a special feature, which I don?t. I consider that to be a standard. I?m actually upset that they even put that on here. The Spanish language doesn?t deserve to be sullied by this script.

The biggest football-in-the-groin, though, is that you know they didn?t put any effort into this Blu-Ray because everybody already spread the word that this movie deserves to burn in Hell. I?m actually surprised it even got a Blu-Ray release. I mean, who the hell would actually pay money for this shit? Again, I mean. Everybody already knows it?s awful. It received an F from CinemaScore, and that?s a vote by actual audiences. If the film?s target market gave the film a unanimous thumbs down, then what makes anybody think they wouldn?t have already told people already to steer clear of this nonsense? It?s no wonder there?s no commentary, deleted scenes, or even trailers for this bomb. There are only so many ways that I can say this disc is crap so I?ll leave it at that. This disc is a piece of shit!

The Devil Inside [Blu-Ray] DetailsDistributor: Paramount Home EntertainmentStarring: Fernanda Andrade, Simon QuartermanDirected by: William Brent BellProduced by: Matthew Peterman, Morris PaulsonWritten by: William Brent Bell, Matthew Peterman

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The Grey [Blu-ray]

Aside from The Avengers, The Grey is the best movie of 2012 so far. No question.

The Movie:

There are many films about survival out there, and these movies usually leave you with a fulfilling conclusion where the hero succeeds and is happy at the end to be alive. And then there?s The Grey, which is one of the darkest, most hopeless films I?ve ever seen. I won?t spoil the ending for you, but let me tell you, you won?t turn it off and say, ?Wow, that was inspirational.? Instead, you?ll probably say, ?God, I want to go take a shower and then kill myself.?

The story takes place in Alaska after one of the worst plane crashes ever put to film. If you?re even slightly nervous about getting on a plane, never watch this film in your life. You will never get on a plane again. After said crash, Liam Neeson, who plays John Ottway, a character who has already attempted suicide (talk about an uplifting picture!), must try to keep the survivors of the plane alive as ravenous wolves pick them apart one by one. It?s a family movie! But seriously, what makes this film such a masterpiece is their discussions and interactions in the face of death. None of the survivors feel stereotypical or contrived and you really hope that at least some of them will make it to some sort of satisfying end. Again, I won?t spoil the conclusion, but, well, that hope isn?t met the way you might think.

Many of the film's detractors thought the movie itself didn?t match all the trailers that made it look like it would be an hour-and-a-half version of the Liam Neeson punching wolves to their death, a la a Chuck Norris fan?s wet dream. And those people have a point, as it?s not that kind of movie and the trailers were misleading. But now that it?s home on Blu-Ray and that knowledge is out there, I think it can fully be appreciated as the meditative film that it is, and it succeeds on every level. I absolutely adore this film.

It?s a true man vs. nature vs. faith kind of movie. Throughout, the characters, knowing that death is imminent, question their beliefs and feelings on what could be on the other side of the grey in that much deeper, more nebulous world that is the afterlife, or the lack thereof. I?ve really never seen so much atheism in a commercial film, and it?s actually pretty refreshing. Being a person of faith, it?s nice to see the other perspective in Hollywood. You don?t normally get to see that much gumption in a movie for the general public, which is why it was probably not received as well as it should have been. It was too deep for many, and not violent enough for the rest. It?s a thoroughly harrowing film that doesn?t leave much room for entertainment and fun, but if that?s your kind of movie, as it is for me, then you?ll love The Grey. Again, it?s best movie of the year. Outside of The Avengers, of course. But that movie was pretty much perfect. You can?t get any better than that.

The Disc:

Talking shit, drinking scotch, dissing Pauly Shore...this commentary has it all. And I wonder if I love the commentary so much because I love the movie so much, or because the commentary is just that good. Either way, it?s immensely entertaining, with director Joe Carnahan and editors Roger Barton and Jason Hellmann going through the movie scene-by-scene, just talking about life and the film in general, which is always my favorite kind of commentary -- a slice of life with a slice of the film. It?s so much better than overly celebratory (even though there?s plenty of celebration here, too) commentaries that don?t say anything at all. Joe Carnahan really hits the glass pretty hard during the almost two-hour running time, as by the end of it, he starts openly talking about who he disliked making the movie with. It?s enjoyable to say the least. The director doesn?t pull any punches.

The deleted scenes make up the rest of the special features, and while none of them are all that great -- they?re pretty much just a lot of more shots of how crippling the weather is?but they really don?t need to be all that great. The commentary itself is worth buying the Blu-Ray. If you like dark films, buy this flick.

Starring: Liam Neeson, Dermot Mulroney, Frank Grillo, Dallas Roberts, Joe Anderson, Nonso Anozie, James Badge Dale, Ben Hernandez BrayProduced by: Ross Fanger, Jennifer Hilton Monroe, Bill Johnson, Adi Shankar, Spencer SilnaWritten by: Joe Carnahan & Ian Mackenzie Jeffers

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