Bill Gibron is a veteran film critic from Tampa, Florida.If pop culture is any guidepost, the current crop of under-30 females are an obtuse combination of determined moralists and brazen harlots. While disgusted with labels that legitimize their bed-hopping reputations, they simultaneously see easy sex as a hide and seek game toward a lasting relationship. At least, that's the peculiar premise behind the latest stab at a romantic (?) comedy (??) entitled What's Your Number? Starring the misbegotten Anna Faris and focusing on her unwed obsession with her 20 ex-lovers, we are supposed to experience a frazzled, unfocused young woman coming to terms with her slutty past while avoiding a spinster present. In fact, all we get are the frenzied and fuzzy parts. Ally Darling (Faris) is having a hard time coming to terms with her baby sister's (Ari Graynor) wedding. She's happy for her sibling, but after reading a recent article in Marie Claire, she's convinced that one of her 20 ex-boyfriends was actually the man of her dreams. When she finds out that her slacker musician neighbor Colin (Chris Evans) is good at locating people, she hands him a list and hopes for the best. The ultimate goal -- to never surpass the number 20 while discovering who, if any, of her past paramours was actually "the one." As luck would have it, her prom date from a decade back, Jake Adams (Dave Annable) is now a rich financier. This makes Ally's mom (Blythe Danner) very happy, while our heroine appears unconvinced that this otherwise match made in Heaven is the answer. Based on the novel 20 Times a Lady by Kayrn Bosnak, the rechristened What's Your Number? just begs for a smarmy reply to said title question. Though "zero" would truly zone in on this movie's creative abilities and overall entertainment value, there are elements here that push the final verdict well into the low single digits...very low. For her part, Faris is fun, bubbly, unconventional...and saddled with a script that fails to give her a single humorous thing to say or do. If acting like a whorish klutz and/or shrieking about one's vagina is the essence of wit, then Ally's entire personality is one big Algonquin Round Table. Randomly spouting the word "penis" is not clever, and screenwriters Jennifer Crittenden (Seinfeld, The Simpsons) and Gabrielle Allen (Scrubs) should know this. Instead, this is a film that's 89% convention and 11% minor invention -- and said balance is not enough to save it.
Perhaps it's the fault of fledgling feature filmmaker Mark Mylod. While a TV ace with credits such as The Royale Family and Entourage, his most interesting claim to fame consists of being the only director not to create a worldwide phenomenon with his Sacha Baron Cohen starring vehicle (yes -- he helmed the horrid Ali G Indahouse). Here, he's hopelessly out of his element, unable to make us care for the characters or worry about the various plot contrivances. We know who Ally will end up with the first time we see her co-star Evans full frontal...almost. We also know that supposed dreamboat Jake Adams will have a massive personality flaw that will cause him to abandon our lead when she least expects it -- and the narrative most needs it.
The saddest thing, however, is that What's Your Number? has stuff it can work with. Ally's unusual sculptures are a point of particular interest. Sadly, they get shuttled off to the side as nothing important. Similarly, Colin's massive womanizing could have provided a few insights. Instead, his backstory is as ambiguous as the faceless one night stands he plows through. As rotten RomComs go, What's Your Number? is barely tolerable. Faris might not deserve better, but audiences do.
