Bill Gibron is a veteran film critic from Tampa, Florida.This just has to be a joke - and not the kind you're supposed to laugh it. This has to be a con, a ruse, a hateful hoodwinking by people who should have known better...and if they don't, should be institutionalized for their lack of cinematic scruples. No matter the bizarro world ad campaign or constant repetition of Adam Sandler's "Happy Madison" brand, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star is swill. It's junk. To call it garbage would be an affront to landfills everywhere. After sitting on the shelf for a while, its being unceremoniously dumped on more screens than it deserves and will probably earn more than it can quantify. They say a fool and his money soon go their separate ways. In this case, the filmmakers are obviously hoping for a major moron stampede. Larson (Nick Swardson) is a buck toothed idiot from Iowa. After losing his job as a grocery clerk, he is exposed to some '70s adult films and discovers something amazing about his family. His father and mother - Jeremiah (Edward Hermann) and Debbie (Miriam Flynn), or as they were known back in the day, "Jim Spraysium" and "Rosie Bush" - are former porn stars. Believing that he was born to be part of the skin flick biz, our hero heads out to Hollywood, befriends the stereotypical kind hearted waitress (Christina Ricci), winds up with the proverbial roommate from Hell (Kevin Nealon) and falls under the spell of smut peddler Miles Deep (Don Johnson). While not well endowed, Bucky does have a certain 'special talent.' Deep exploits it, our incredibly minor meat puppet becomes an Internet sensation, and reigning X-rated cock of the walk Dick Shadow (Stephen Dorff) grows more and more jealous.
Infantile phallus. That and dental issues. That's what this movie thinks is funny. Bucky is extremely small in the pants and he has massive front teeth. Emphasize both and repeat. Await the chuckles of clueless 13-year-olds. Indeed, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star is the first R-rated film specifically geared for an audience at least a good five years too young to actually see it. Heaven forbid theaters actually enforce the MPAA age mandate - the movie won't make a cent. Instead of focusing on the absurdity of the sex for sale industry or using a beloved backdrop (say, Paul Thomas Anderson's Boogie Nights) as a foundation for spoof, director Tom Brady just takes his handful of gags and joylessly beats them into the ground with a jackhammer.
Swardson deserves a bit better. While not a known film actor, his stand-up shtick can be pretty clever. Here, he's just lost on a world of pointless scapegoating and abuse. Bucky seems to draw derision everywhere he goes and from everyone he meets. Yet he takes it in simpleton stride. As for the rest of the cast, only Johnson does well channeling a skid row Burt Reynolds. He's got crusty curmudgeonly pervert down pat. The rest is nothing but tiny penis/copious semen/oversized choppers riffs. Yes, you read that middle entry correctly. Bucky's rare ability comes with what the industry calls "the money shot." He almost always ready to pop and when he does...well, let's just say that incredibly active volcanoes don't spray this much lava.
Whether it is an elaborate hoax or some manner of blackmail payment, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star is just terrible. It's dumb without purpose. In fact, there is nothing wrong with a good old fashioned 'stupid' comedy. Idiocy - and the amplification of same - is almost always good for a snicker. Sadly, everyone involved here confuses being brain dead for playing brain damaged.
