Winner of several imaginary literary and filmmaking awards.When little kids walk out of a movie called Zookeeper and call it "stupid," you know it must be really bad. Here is a comedy that consists of equal parts scatology and schmaltz, that is aimed directly for the center of a 7-year-old's happy sensors -- blending talking animals, bumbling pratfalls, lovable goofball heroes, and cartoon-simple villains -- and it can't even wring a positive review out of little kids souped up on candy and popcorn. Not a good sign. Most interesting of all is, there is no more accurate description of Zookeeper than the efficient, one-word response of its child detractors. This movie is stupid. Strikingly, mind-numbingly stupid for such a sustained length that by the end, when the inevitable singing animal montage plays over the credits, I could barely muster the brain strength to be offended.
If you are entertained by the notion of Kevin James hurdling himself through one embarrassing stunt after another and bonding with an uncomfortably ugly ape suit that flaps its badly animated lips to the disembodied voice of Nick Nolte, then Zookeeper is the movie for you. Your will be rewarded with sequences in which the bosom buddies go out on the town, play foosball as TGI Friday's, engage in heartfelt talks, and scale a bridge in order to express love for Rosario Dawson. On the other hand, if you are confused or repulsed by visions of those scenes, I'd advise picking another movie.
Yes, the Nolte ape opines about life and love, but so do most of the animals at the movie's soundstage version of a zoo. They are vividly personified with the likes of celebrity voices such as Sylvester Stallone, Cher, Jon Favreau, Adam Sandler and others, and they counsel giant ball of energy James on his love life. You see, five years ago his romantic proposal was turned down by his superficial gold-digging girlfriend (Leslie Bibb), and she has suddenly arrived back in his life, due to machinations of the plot that are less consequential than the plot itself. The zoo animals teach James to behave like an animal, which makes him irresistible to his ex (just go with it). Of course, there is another woman (played by Rosario Dawson, who better enjoy this paycheck) who is obviously perfect for our hero (I mean, can't you just picture them together?), but who he ignores in order to pine for his heinous ex.
Hard to believe I found a way to fill a whole paragraph discussing this plot, which was apparently so hard to formulate that the screenplay is credited to five writers, but which could've been written better by the animals. Zookeeper represents Kevin James' second foray into high-concept leading man territory, after 2009's Paul Blart: Mall Cop. That film was barely competent, but on the basis of this, one might think James lost his magic touch. Zookeeper uncannily resembles the very substance a Sandler-voiced monkey encourages James to throw at his ex-girlfriend.
